17 The first [h]to plead his case seems right,
Until [i]another comes and examines him.
18 The cast lot puts an end to strife
And [j]decides between the mighty ones.
19 A brother offended is harder to be won than a strong city,
And contentions are like the bars of a citadel.
20 With the [k]fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach will be satisfied;
He will be satisfied with the product of his lips.
21 Death and life are in the [l]power of the tongue,
And those who love it will eat its fruit.
22 He who finds a wife finds a good thing
And obtains favor from the Lord.
23 The poor man utters supplications,
But the rich man answers roughly.
24 A man of too many friends comes to [m]ruin,
But there is a [n]friend who sticks closer than a brother.
In this passage, we see a variety of relationships, from family, to marriage, and also friends. Oddly, we start out, it seems, in a court case. One has made a case, but then the cross-examiner comes to poke holes in it, and then nothing seems sure. What is sure? Taking someone to court is a sure fire way to end a relationship. Shouldn’t need to be said, but there it is.
The second best way to end a relationship? To let contention or strife keep going. Better to end a disagreement while the relationship is still intact. We all love to be right, but Solomon reminds us of the incredible power of the tongue, the power of death and life. And no, that’s not an exaggeration, it’s very, very real.
You’ve likely heard what Jesus said, “he who lives by the sword, dies by the sword.” Here we see similar phrasing, that those who love it, that is, those who love to talk, will eat of its fruit (life or death). To that end, Solomon gave us one quick way to end an argument: flip a coin (our modern equivalent to casting lots). It’s hard to be mad at a coin, you’ll either believe it random, or like the Jews did, a sign from God.
In either case, put your trust in God, not the power of your words. You might think yourself pretty persuasive, but is it worth losing a friend, family member, or even your spouse? I sure hope not, and God would certainly disagree also. He is the friend who sticks closer than a brother, and He wants what is best for us.
We should learn from Jesus example and do what is really best for them, not what we think, but what God thinks. If you aren’t sure about that, maybe you need to settle down and pray about it, and don’t stop until you do know, or you’re ready to flip a coin. That might seem flippant (pun intended), but Jesus was willing to lay down his life for his friends because it was for their best (John 15:13), and he did. What are you willing to do for yours?