Civil War
12 Now Abner the son of Ner, went from Mahanaim to Gibeon with the servants of Ish-bosheth the son of Saul. 13 And Joab the son of Zeruiah and the servants of David went out and met [h]them by the pool of Gibeon; and they sat down, [i]Abner’s men on the one side of the pool and [j]Joab’s men on the other side of the pool. 14 Then Abner said to Joab, “Now have the young men arise and hold a martial skills match in our presence.” And Joab said, “Have them arise!” 15 So they got up and went over by count, twelve for Benjamin and Ish-bosheth the son of Saul, and twelve from the servants of David. 16 And each one of them seized his [k]opponent by the head and thrust his sword in his [l]opponent’s side; so they fell down together. Therefore that place was called [m]Helkath-hazzurim, which is in Gibeon. 17 That day the battle was very severe, and Abner and the men of Israel were defeated [n]by the servants of David.
18 Now the three sons of Zeruiah were there, Joab, Abishai, and Asahel; and Asahel was as [o]swift-footed as one of the gazelles that is in the field. 19 Asahel pursued Abner and did not turn [p]to the right or to the left from following Abner. 20 Then Abner looked behind himself and said, “Is that you, Asahel?” And he said, “It is I!” 21 So Abner said to him, “Turn aside for your own good to your right or to your left, and take hold of one of the young men for yourself, and take for yourself his equipment.” But Asahel was unwilling to turn aside from following him. 22 Then Abner repeated again to Asahel, “Turn aside for your own good from following me. Why should I strike you to the ground? How then could I [q]show my face to your brother Joab?” 23 However, he refused to turn aside; so Abner struck him in the belly with the butt end of the spear, so that the spear came out at his back. And he fell there and died on the spot. And it happened that all who came thereafter to the place where Asahel had fallen and died, stood still.
24 But Joab and Abishai pursued Abner, and when the sun was going down, they came to the hill of Ammah, which is opposite Giah by way of the wilderness of Gibeon. 25 And the sons of Benjamin gathered together behind Abner and became one troop, and they stood on the top of a hill. 26 Then Abner called to Joab and said, “Should the sword devour forever? Do you not realize that it will be bitter in the end? So how long will you [r]refrain from telling the people to turn back from pursuing their kinsmen?” 27 Joab said, “As God lives, if you had not spoken, then the people of Judah certainly would have withdrawn in the morning, each from pursuing his brother.” 28 So Joab blew the trumpet, and all the people halted and no longer pursued Israel, nor did they continue to fight anymore. 29 Abner and his men then went through the Arabah all that night; so they crossed the Jordan, walked all morning, and came to Mahanaim.
30 Then Joab returned from pursuing Abner; but he gathered all the people together, and [s]nineteen of David’s servants were missing, besides Asahel. 31 However, the servants of David had struck and killed many of Benjamin and Abner’s men; 360 men were dead. 32 And they carried Asahel away and buried him in his father’s tomb, which was in Bethlehem. Then Joab and his men traveled all night until the day [t]dawned at Hebron.
In any fight or argument, a lot of hurt can be caused. But Abner shows it only takes one to end it. And that doesn’t happen as one would think, by retaliation or demolishing the opponent.
Now to be fair, Abner had his “back to the wall”, and knew he was outmatched. But he recognized that even if he prevailed at this point, all he would accomplish would be more death. Not only that, but it would be the deaths of his kinsmen and fellow Israelites.
Too often, the people we feud with are close to us. And far too often, we cause hurt that is difficult and nearly impossible to repair. Fights often involve retaliation, where we “up the ante” constantly.
Be the one to end the strife, stop the bickering, and seek reconciliation. Seem impossible? Not with God! With Him guiding you, peace can be discovered. It may not be easy, it probably won’t be quick, but if you trust God to lead you, peace and love can return to a broken relationship.